Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger
madd74

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... and the Wind Continued to Cry Softly

"From now on your handle will be... DOGMEAT."

Day Three Continued - dITZ Party

     So we took off to dITZ place and when I got there, I set up camp.  I had the N64 hooked up in mere minutes, if even that.  Yeah, JOHD, I rock with electronics, haha.  I just so wish she would let me put the stereo on top of the VCR, it would make things so much faster, but alas, not my electronics, so, I will not argue.  Super Smash Brothers went in fast.  As always with SSB, I was the massive victor.  Haha, they even went 3 on 1 against me and I took them all down.  I think one time I got beat from the many.  Haha, stupid original level and its platform issues.  At some point, a whole buttload of people showed up.  We all had fun either watching or playing, and it was great to hear 5 other people cheering on the others (mainly to stop me, mwahaha!!) Yeah, I am still the greatest.  I guess GB Tetris is not the only thing that I have great powers in.  After some time, and after most people left, we switched it over to Mario Party, per request.  You know, Stingray always has an excuse to why he may not be doing as well in a game we are playing.  Some times, we just have to face there are others better at us in certain areas.  I was losing Mario Party almost all throughout the game, however, thanks to some great skill, I made a great comeback and pulled out 1st.  Mario Party is not the biggest game in regards to skill.  One stop to Chance Time and the game can randomly take a big turn.  After that, I would end up playing with someone in SSB, minus Stingray who was too tired.  Haha, yeah, too tired of my crushing him.  We would come back home around 0300a or so, and decided to play one of the $151 of NES games I bought.  It was Micro Machine Racing, and it was a very interesting game.  I had soooo much fun playing it!  He basically had me, except I figured out the game towards the end, and around 0700a it was time to hit the sack.

Day Four - Pad Bound

     More chatting fun, as usual.  We decided we were not going out or anything.  I was on the net researching codes for Castlevania III, which would be the game of choice to start out with.  We played the heck out of it.  Well, for the most part I watched, and then later we would alternate between guys.  hEhEhE, did I mention how much he reminds me of myself, especially when playing video games?  He finally beat it.  We would end up playing Castlevania Bloodlines, and I ordered us Chinese food.  I would also end up drinking 7 bottles of Smirnoff.  That stuff is really good, and has more alcohol than beer, I heard.  I always thought beer had 5.5% in it.  Iowa City friend would call, and I would take her into the bathroom with me, as it took 45 minutes for me to potty.  Haha, I had alreayd gone like 3 times, I felt like a pregnant woman.  After some time of playing, Stingray about lost all feeling in his hand.  We had been playing for most of the day.  So I understood how he could be losing it.  I was starting to lose consiousness.  The alcohol was doing the usual in knocking my mind out of service.  He went to bed, and I was on-line, attempting to chat with people, but I was soooo tired.  Also, JOHD, I think we might have a possible virus or something.  I keep getting a pop-up box about some odd password, and it has been happening more and more, and I cannot do anything when it happens.  A good format, that is what this computer requires.  I would end up passing out in my bed (jumping over Stingray), leaving two people I was chatting with "high and dry" wondering where I was.

Day Five - The Ending

     Well, this brings up to today.  After waking up, we would play some Streets of Rage I, which may be my flavorite fighting game ever.  We would have a lot of fun, even though I realized he would be leaving me soon.  So we played until it came time for him to head out, so, we went to QT and I paid for his gas like I said I would, and then I walked back to my place and he was gone {sigh}. 

Listen to the Hormone

     So I came home, and I started talking to you.  Of course, I had to work, and was chatting up a storm with people at the same time.  At this point, I have been flirting heavily with two people on-line.  Both of them are many moons away from me, even though I am going to see the one, and the other one has commented how she is sure some day (soon) that we will get together here in good old Des Moines.  Also, as I have already told you, my libido has gone into some sort of raging overdrive.  Of late, I noticed that I do not have to be drunk or in any way shape or form for the urges to overwhelm my body.  I know that sex and sex drive is a programmed part of human existance.  I realize it is built into me, otherwise, the human populous would have died out.  But at the same time, I do like to maintain some sense of control of my realm.  I have found that I can be easily seduced.  This use to never be an issue for me.  I think of times when my first former girlfriend was at my place after we broke up, and I resisted attempts at sexual activity.  If this Madd was the same Madd then, the resistance would have been almost futile.  I flirt with the two friends I have because the distance makes it safe on both sides.  At least, that was the case.  It now is to the point where I will see one for sure.  It is a given, unless God decides to intervine.  That is always a possibility that must never be ruled out.  However, I cannot predict God's actions.  Thus, it is not right for me to add God into the equation.  I just know that she is excited to see me, and I have taken the time off and invested the money to go see her.  It will be exciting.  New York is huge.  It is something very different.  It will be a change of pace.  Plus, it also is so nice to feel so welcomed.  I have come to understand the great feeling of people who wish for others to be around.  Haha... kind of crazy for someone who is not about impressions he gives to others.  But, when I look down and see that in 1000 no one is going to know of my existance, I guess I would like my current time on earth to be something that was not wasted.  So when someone finally is able to trust me, put her money into a flight, when it has backfired on her before, well, that is a good sign of trust, and trust is what I am all about.  That makes the trip down there satisfying, to turn a faceless name into an actual person who was not created as an intelegent bot to trick me into thinking, "No really, I am real".  But even for me, the sexuality appears to be at unstable levels.  I do believe this is where someone is suppose to come up to me and say, "Madd, you need to get laid."  Blah humans and their some times misdiagnostics.

Observing the New Reality

     So that brings us to a serious issue to think about, JOHD friend.  Iowa City friend decided to reevalute the test and passed it.  How does this concern me?  Hmm... while she is a decent drive away, she posses possible threat to my well being.  While relationships are not something I am looking for at the moment, if I came across someone who almost was in the same Reality as my own (meaning around 50 percent or so), then it means there is always a possibility that more could come of it.  I have been spending a good deal of time convincing myself that there is no one out there.  I have been rationalizing things, even telling others there would be no one in my life.  No marraige, no kids (minus adoption), or what have you.  It is almost like I am telling myself that I am truly weak.  Weak in the head, and if there is one thing I do not like to think about, is that my whole existance has been a lie to myself, since the mind is my major existance.  I realize I am attempting to protect myself.  I want to protect myself against humans, since it has been humans that have caused almost all of my pain in my life.  Yet something about Iowa City gal gets to my mind.  I never call anyone as much as I do her.  Doing the phone thing is usually not my cup of tea, and I think the main reason for that is on the phone I can only do one thing at a time.  I like doing multiple things at once.  But, I really enjoy when she calls me, and I love talking to her.  Also, I have flirted with her very little.  That in itself sets stage to my mind that something is going on.  Its way to possibly make things work out when we finally meet.  I have trust in her, more so than anyone else, because of the fact that I give absolute trust into someone until they give me reason not to anymore.  She is playing by the same rule book.  It appeared that the rule book was something that only I read from.  All those people out there who choose to not trust at first, but wait and see.  So, JOHD, I am not sure what to think.  Thoughts of her have been predominate in my mind, even though there are a few other things that have been catching up to "what does Madd get to think about/daydream now?"  I always look for flaws in people.  Not just any flaws, but certain flaws that can make me have a friendship with someone, and that be it.  Once again, to protect myself.  Just think of all the times I have been boned over, JOHD.  All the times I told you of some male or female who has some how broken my heart.  A friend who said they would be there for me, just to turn his/her back when I required their help the most.  But man... NO ONE had passed any of my tests!  Darn it!  I made those tests impossible just so I could live peacefully in my own existance.  I do not want to think that my happiness could be increased thanks to the presence of another human being.  That is defined as weakness specifically to me.  It is not to other people, because it is not how other people live.  It is, however, how I live.  Well, part of it anyway.  So she shows up Saturday.  She actually shall be spending the night here.  I guess I could always play Floyd the entire time.  I still see that as the best protection I have from anyone.  But maybe some where inside my heart, I would never want to play Floyd.  Maybe some where inside this head and heart sees this person... as the one.  Eeks... does that freak you out as much as it does me?  I mean, seriously, JOHD.  Someone who can pass a test of mine is someone who has great ability to "make their way inside, find the core, and completely destroy it".  It means she possibly knows how to play her cards right to get whatever she wants.  Some people live on the ability to control or destroy other people.  It gives them a sense of power.  It gives them purpose, knowing they are that good to where they can do what they want to people.  Okay... I think I got it all out of my system for now, hEhEhE!!  {sigh} Eh... maybe I just do not want to see myself as weak.  At any rate, I do have to go over to Mari's, and I will have to continue this when I get back.  Master of Maddness, signing off......
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