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Nov 16th, 2003


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15:57 - A Word From Our Sponser
(note to God and humans)

I am in a bit of pain, and nother short of Floyd tickets for the reunion that will happen soon (thanks in part to my 5th Dimentional Thinking) is going to change that.  I could possibly battle the pain, like I have been for a while, however, I am not going to attempt to.  I state this not to ask for sympothy or "I'm so sorry to hear that".  I post this so humans understand the reason that I may not be in the normal cheery mood that Madd is infamous for being in.  Well, not the reason, however, so that humans do not keep asking me "Madd, what's wrong?"  There still seems to be a good amount of people concerned about my well being, and I would not want Ellen/Q to think I was going to end my life like she did last time I said "I was leaving" or something like that.  Please note that I was in the process of making myself a better friend to everyone, in most, that I become one of the most reliable humans any of you shall ever know.  It is something I have been skeeming for a very long time.  It means defying a part of my programming that I have had ever since I was 5 or so.  It means finding a way around the Mirror Effect™ and not reflecting back to everyone as they do to me.  It will have to start out with baby steps, people who mean a lot to me.  From there I will see if including it for all humans will turn around and crush me.  It may, however, one aspect of my life that has not stopped is treating others as I would want to be treated.  {sigh} The biggest challenge will include defeating memory loss, and while I have always had the ability (my many children and toys), for some unknown reason I have not used them as I can.  Maybe my current loss will be powerful enough to hit that switch in my brain I have been attempting to hit for about a decade or so now.  Just to make sure, however, I do ask for much help from the human world, you, my friends.  When attempting to interact with the many of you, please advice me, when applicable, to write things down in Morphian.  I have yet to make him a habit, and once I make him a habit I feel I will be able to overcome... anything.  I wish to give silent thanks to all of you who have put up with my down right insanity as to how I have interacted with you.  I cannot think of a single friend I have not let down.  I have let you all down at some point, and the reason is simple.

I'm human... and as much as I attempt to talk about the wonders of not being human (don't assume, adknowledge you have hurt, forgive, etc) I have failed in that light.  I have failed because I have been giving into my human self-centered desires.  It pains me that I have, and... okay I am better, it pains me that I have, and I am going to stop it.  For most of you, I will ask you to give me a second chance.  If I have wronged you, or let you down, I ask that you attempt to wipe the slate clean, and let me prove to you that I can give you the most excellent customer service that any friend can.  It would mean a lot to me, and I can get back to doing what I enjoy doing most... helping the populas of the planet.  I feel, in a selfish manner, better about myself the more I can help other people.  It is selfish because the fact when I help humans, they tend to feel better, and then can turn to me.  Thus, I get more and more who turn to me, and I can help them, and in helping I feel I am being a better human.  I feel I am being better in a way that God would want me to, and it is all about two... God and myself.  I have to live with myself and the wrongs that I do, and I have to live with God, the Creator.  I will be, hopefully, living with Him the longest of all I could live with.

As human as I am... I know I can defeat, and conquere the problems I have had since I was little.  As always, God, I ask for the strength that it will take, to be able to not simply act towards others how I see them act towards me.  I ask that you help me, somehow, break the Mirror Effect™.
Current Mood: crying
Current Music: "Melkaba" - Yasunori Mitsuda & Millennial

[[Train your Brain]]


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