Feb 24th, 2010
|23:46 - No babies were conceived in the posting of this entry…|
I had a nice discussion about marriage today. I thought I would share it with the class. That will be a bit later.
So today was a mentally slow day for me. I am not sure the exact reason for it. I simply know (am confident with) that no one event would cause it. I mean, it is not bad enough to note depression.
Speaking of slow, I notice that my chess game is not what it is use to. I make a lot of uncalled for mistakes. I remember being a lot better at chess than that. I am not sure if it is the computer three dimensional view or what. Maybe my brain is just getting to that point where it starts to function down, as opposed to up.
I also still have a bug. So anyway with the marriage thing. The discussion came when I talked about someone wanting a break from his wife. I was, of course, just making a joke as to the reason someone would be “happy” to tromp in the snow well into the late parts of the night. Well, since that got challenged, I decided to prove a point here, because of course it was contested by a "happily married woman". Fair enough, however, you can be a happy wife without having to defend such a position, and here is my point on the matter.
I started with the usual "would you eat your favorite food for 20+ years straight and not want a break?". That, of course, falls into the having something else for diner (adultery) which is not what my point was to be about, because I am certain that some people can go 50+ years without switching courses. Do I feel that they will not ever mentally stray? Another story out of the scope of this writing. My brain was able to come to the superior choice in metaphor; children. Us parents love our children, right? Of course we do. If we did not, we would have duct taped them to whatever wall or closet and have been done with it by now. It does not mean, however, that we do not long a break at some point. I have seen Jarin every single day since he was born, minus one family death. Jen has seen Jarin every day since his birth minus one family outing on my side. Ask Jen if she wants to be attached to Jarin 24 hours a day. Better yet, don't, because I can do that for you and her /smile . Does it means that she loves him any less? Heck no. She loves him more than she loves anyone else (on Earth, anything beyond that would be out of the bounds of my understanding, and again, the scope of this writing).
So swinging back to point, it is important that no matter how mad(d)ly in love two human beings are, there comes a point you would benefit from taking a break from them. I remember being at a wedding to a friend (that turned to divorce for reasons that are... oh you get the point). The pastor made a comment about taking time apart from each other. I think as a couple, we feel that if we do not take a break, we are saying we do not love you as much as we could or should. I learned from psychology that "should" is a word that "should" be thrown out. Well, the point remains, no couple is a bad couple for wanting to take a break from the other. It is healthy, and quiet frankly, the way humans were programmed, and it matter not if you are a believing in God or Darwin (yes my "friend" you get lower case), either "programmer" of life will break it down on this theory, that time away is a good thing for any relationship. The term "distance makes the heart grow fungus" coins this up almost without all these other long and drawn out sentences that I am using. Well, the correct form at least does. The way I see it, when you take a break from someone, then they are not there, and you are not there, and something in the brain is forced to see, "this is what it is like to not have you around." Some brains, in the terms of a relationship, might go, "and dear word, what if this was permanent?" Thus, the appreciation of the other human is complete. Well, not complete, however once again, for the scope of this entry...
Hmm, I feel better. Not sure the reason, however, I do.
Current Location: 925 High St, 50309
Current Mood: better
Current Music: "Street Fighter 2 Vega's Ballad OC ReMix" - McVaffe
This can be why Long distance relationships work.
And I don't think a break has to be a "break" break where you decide to "break" it can be something as simple as one person going away for a weekend.
I get a break from Scott almost everyday, definitely every weekend because we have different work schedules.
|Date:||Feb 27th, 2010 18:09 (UTC)|| |
Yes, the weekend, that is more as to what I was actually talking about. Apparently, there have been a few people I talked to regarding the subject that must think I meant something else. One went as far as thinking I was talking about sexuality with another person. Blah.
Yes long distance relationships can work because of this, however they can also fail because of the distance. Some people just simply cannot tolerate continued absence from human intimate contact and decide to "move on", even if unofficial (cheating). It really depends on not just the person, but the people in question.
I guess when I hear break I generally think of talking about taking a break as far as deciding to not dating only each other.
I guess if you had said spend time apart, I would have taken that as more of a little break as opposed to a relationship break. I hope that makes SOME sense.
Yes I would see the reason people would think this. However it was not my intent.
I am in definite agreement about the marriage-relationship-break thing. Not only do I feel it's important to have time apart (so one can, as you said, appreciate what it may be like without the other person) but it is also important to maintain one's own identity in the face of the identity of the couple.
Michael (my partner) learned this a while ago from counseling, and he agreed with it, but hasn't done anything about discovering his own "time" so to speak. I get nervous and frustrated about that, because if he doesn't establish his own stuff while I go ahead and establish mine, there's a serious imbalance. Ongoing imbalance is absolutely unhealthy.
|Date:||Feb 27th, 2010 18:21 (UTC)|| |
That is certainly a great point that would have gone out of the scope of my original writing :) Establishing a self identity away from the couple is great, especially if you want to act as a couple. I see it like a body part. You require the brain and the heart to work independent. if you brain thinks it is your heart, then the whole will fail and die. Yeah I know, a goofy analogy, still, the point does carry on to a relationship in my opinion. I know some relationships where the two are defined by each other. The one person shadows the other person. People in a relationship like this are lost when something happens to the other (death, vacation, family emergency, etc). They are due to exactly what you said, there is no established identity of the self, as it is defined by the couple.
Hopefully Michael will be able to find his own time. He at least has the advantage of agreeing with and understanding the concept. It is like any "issue". You cannot "fix" what you do not know is "broken."