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Oct 2nd, 2006


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22:38 - My Almost Day

Madd's Log, Maddate 061001.77:
-bed leakage
-Aeon TV: TNG
-not ready for bed
-slept
-picture review
-pad cleaning
-Ryan’s: joined by dITZ
-Jen/O first car wash
-return pad
-picture review
-almost had sex
-almost poop
-FFXI/pc
-pad cleaning: Jen/O’s cleaning structure \ word found!
-Jen/O drinking concern
-X-Myles
-Sparked
-DVD movie: Wolf Creek

As bad as this sounds, I could have swore that Jen was feeling less than fresh.  We both noticed, about the same time, a bad body order type of smell.  I checked her out, she checked me out, and it turns out that the smell was not coming from the us or the sheets per say, it was coming from the fact that my bed, for some time, has been “leaking”.  {sigh}  This would be the second time I have had a waterbed spring a leak, the first time being cat related.  It is unclear how this damage would have occurred, however when I pulled the sheet up it was sopping wet.  It smelled rather rank also.  I am more than certain this is a sign from the Man upstairs to move away from the waterbed era so the man downstairs does not drown.  Oh wait, I am MOVING INTO A FLIPPING HOUSE, so the only one who would live downstairs is the pool table... and Jen if she misbehaves :D  hEhEhE!!  The big problem I have now is that there is not much I can do.  With not even three weeks in the bank, the last thing I want to do is get a replacement, or a new bed altogether, for getting a new setup is going to be yet more crap to move.  {sigh} This totally sucks, it really does, for I had planned to have the waterbed in a part of the house.  I will look into maybe using the frame for a regular mattress (feather bed, temperpedic, etc), of course, it very well may not work due to the mass amount of water being what keeps the main frame from falling over.  It may just be time for change.

Speaking of change, Jen passed out as we watched Trek.  Oh wait, that is not a change, that is the same old thing, hAhAhA!!  I really do enjoy sleeping next to someone, especially someone as cuddly as Jen.  This is something I will not admit to her however!

So I woke up, early, and it appeared that Jen was busy boxing things up.  That is so wonderful of her.  In doing so, she ran across what appears to be the bulk of my pictures.  It seemed as if I was short some pictures, as I so remember them all being in a box, and a very large collection.  I think these were moved when Melissa and Gretl cleaned my place up a bit those many moons ago.  It is so nice and strange to go through all the pictures.  While a lot of people were classified as “Wal-Mart” and “Mouse Hole”, there were a few humans who I took pictures of and had no clue who they were.  It makes me sad, in a sense, that I have these “memories” of humans with no clue their relationship with me, other than, “I did not sleep with these people”.

After taking care of the first part of my memories, we went out to eat.  I TXT dITZ, and luckily she was available, as she joined us shortly after arriving to Ryan’s.  It turns out, a buffet is the perfect place to take a picky pregnant person :D  We ended up staying for an extended period of time, and dITZ paid me the money she owed me.  Turns out she has a lot of cash thanks to her own personal business she runs, hEhEhE!!  You know, I do believe this is the longest that I may have hung out at Ryan’s.  The company was great.

Well, Jen took her current vehicle for her first car wash.  Gee, and Alex thought I neglected his washing, tee-hee!  She is not much for the drive thru washes, like the one on University.  I think it will be so super cool taking little X in drive thru car washes.  Every now and then, a car wash reminds me of my time in Clinton.

So we returned to my pad, and continued with the pictures.  I think this batch included Paula and I think this was the one that had Kit in it.  My fucking word, she came over to my place.  I so, for the life of me, do not remember her showing up to my place.  I know it was eons ago, for the entertainment center was the extremely old bookshelf.  {sigh} I so miss her, I really do.  I know a large part of me wishes that something would have happened between the two of us, that we would have dated, that she would have been my first.  Another part of me just wishes that she would not have left me, that she would have kept in contact... because I will be fucked anally if it is not true that the first person you fall in love with is an extremely strong love.  It would just be nice if I could chat with her, even though, maybe in doing that my mind would be tortured.  I wonder if she ever thinks about me... {sigh} most likely not, it is not like finding me is difficult.  My word, I am the most easily found human on the internet.

This thought has nothing to do with bad feelings towards Jen.  I have loved a lot of people in my day, and been close to a few, and none of the ones in my past are as strong as Kit.  This includes Capp, who I think I might have finally let go the last time I talked about her to you.  It would still be nice to keep in contact with her, as I made an attempt, however I did not hear from her at all.  I guess karma for what I have done to others in their past {sigh}.  Man it sucks being human some times.

Well, as we were on my bed, we started to fool around, in ways we have not done in a long time.  I really do miss the personal attention of the intimate touch.  Things went to the bad end of the stick, however, as I did “wrong” in not prepping properly.  It was frustrating, so I basically was waiting for help in what to do since her body is being all goofy and the like.  In the same instance, she felt that I was simply done and stopped because, as I said, “I can’t do anything right”.  Okay, maybe that is not a direct quote.  This turned into her getting upset.  I realize that a majority of this fault is with me, because of the feeling I get.  She noted it close to me doing things right so many times before (with other women), however it is not all that.  It is just frustrating.  I know it is frustrating for her as well.  It is much for me for it does seem that I am not ever doing anything right, and some times I just want to be guided to show how to do things right.  Another big thing is that she makes it sound as if I am doing this on purpose, when I forget to prep.  That is extremely frustrating, for I simply forget.  She is the first human (I remember) where there are all these extra steps that I have to note.  So being treated like I am attempting to do it my own, disregarding what she tells me, really gets to me.

Well it was not yelling and screaming at least, just her being overly frustrated and emotional.  I am not sure if she would respond this way or not if she was not pregnant.  She is an extremely emotional human being.  She is a lot like Big Z for the Cubs.  Outstanding performances, just when she does not get the call she wants on her pitch, or throws a mistake and the batter turns on it, she loses herself to her emotion.  I noticed that Z had worked on that, maybe he can send whatever help he used to her :D  Oh yeah, the “outstanding performance” was not a reference to sex, it was a reference to her in general.

I think the mass amounts of cheese I at Sat morning were plotting their revenge on me, as I sat on the toilet and no kids dropped out to the pool.  So as I was going through a few things afterwards, I found my psychology book, and found my word!  It is anthropomorphism.  It is something that Jen and I do often with little X, for honestly, little X has no “feelings” per say of the ones we are associating with him.  The reason I had so many problems finding the word in the index is because I thought it was in the other psychology book.  I did not realize this was in my earlier psychology book, I thought it was in the most recent.  THANK GOD this mentally traumatic experience (not remembering it) has come to a close!  hEhEhE!!

Before I headed over to Myles to X-Files myself, Jen started to get into the drinking from Sparks and driving.  She makes it sound as if I think I am invincible, or that I give the impression that I am.  In no way, shape, or form do I think I am invincible.  There have been plenty of times in my life that “it could never happen to me” syndrome was shot down.  In no way do I condone my behavior as right.  I am not going to go off talking how God has His plan, and no matter what I choose to do or not do, it is going to happen.  She mentioned something about how I do not take her feelings into consideration (paraphrasing).  This bothered me for I *have* done so.  I take about 20 to 30 minutes out of my Wed night in conjunction to her feelings.  I go over to her place and let her take me to the bar, then either get a ride back from her, or like the one time, take a safe ride home.  Despite me going to the bar for well over four years, and taking some good drink amounts in that time, I changed one of my ways, for her concern.  The way she keeps going, however, it almost seems as if it is more attempting to control a habit.  I realize it is not her outward goal, still, I am a big boy who knows how to take care of himself, and I have proven this.  She stated her concern, and I have altered my ways for her, so I would appreciate she respect my ability to take care of myself.  This is the biggest problem attempting to be in a relationship with someone who is so emotionally worried about things.  I know she cares, I just think some times it is overpowering, and some times even selfish.  Still, I did not get into an argument with her, and I kissed her naked self later as I went out the door.

I tell you, little Mickey has sure changed a lot in the way he interacts when I am around.  He seemed more fascinated by my presence.  Myles and I finished up the end of the last episode we cut short due to me making the Jackass 2 movie last week.  We finally got through an entire episode!  Yay happiness, hEhEhE!!

So from there it was time to see Spark.  Of the movies she showed, Wolf Creek looked the best, it was a horror, and I had not seen it before.  How was the actual movie?  Well, it was slow as shit.  The best part of the movie, was of course, towards the end.  Once the action got rolling, then the movie was decent.  It was just such a long build up to the actual part.  I am a patient human, so I had no issue watching it.  Other humans may not think the same.  Master of Maddness, signing off......


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