|23:17 - MySpace Masturbation|
Madd's Log, Maddate 060524.36:
-QT: beer run (Spark)
-over to Spark’s
-DVD movie: Ringer
-SP: incomplete due to passout
-slept: pass out \ couch
-city inspection notice
-ready for morning
-1230,work: miss 1.5 hr OT
-pop Jess: myspace misunderstanding
-sing Hotel California
-meet NTN poker players
-sing Chop Suey
-Jen/O convo: JOHD review \ issues with me sleeping with Jess
So, I called Spark who wanted me to reach him. He wanted me to see a movie. While I was thinking against it at first, he mentioned beer night, and I have just been a bit stressed, so thought it might do me well. I also was interested in watching The Ringer. So after getting supplies, I headed over.
I enjoyed the movie a lot. Johnny Knoxville did a great job, and Brian Cox is the shit. The movie does not truly make fun of tards... er, mentally special people. Some of the plot was down right choopy. There were a few things that just were, well, things could have been better. I will say the plot was done well beyond better than Cabin Fever, haha!!
Well, after the movie, Spark did his usual attempts to make me feel like crap for not letting me go home. He talks on how I am being disrespectful, yet he is more than disrespecting me in not getting home and to bed. This is starting to aggravate me something sever, and I am about to stop hanging out with him as much as I have. He is turning into everyone else who is disrespecting me. So I got home, drunk as hell at some point, and was not even able to finish masturbating. In fact, I passed out on the couch, and woke up exactly when I would have had to get up to work my OT. That sucked. I took care of my games, and I masturbated to make up for what I missed. That was nice. I noticed the city was coming to visit Friday, that massively sucked. I called into work because I was tired and wanted some rest. That sucked.
I went to work, angry at Spark for what he pulls. I am just up going to tell him off next time he gets into his little “you’re disrespecting me” bullshit. I love the guy very much, he is my best friend, and drunk or sober, I am not putting up with it. So check this out. I write a bulletin on myspace about me being evicted. It was a sappy satire where I used a lot of words in ways that look as if I could be, yet, clearly (in my head) note that it is just city inspectors are coming to visit. The notion was that last year they came out, they told me to clean my place up. Basically, I have too much stuff and that is not right. No, you telling me how to live my fucking life is not right. Well, point of that is, they did not show up in the 30 some days they gave me to clean up. It could mean a lot of things, including God watching out for me. It could mean that there is not enough of “a mess” for them to really do anything. It could mean they do not care. It could mean, they were simply being nice. The point of the matter in my post, was that it is not necessarily looked as me being booted. However, a few people took it that way, especially Jess. We got into this argument, and she went on about being hurt that something so big, me being evicted, was going to happen and I did not tell her. Well, that was because I never said I was being evicted. I was venting on the fact that the city is coming to piss in my cornflakes again. She later checked and found out some things she thought I said, I indeed did not. Yay for Madd not actually being right for once.
Well, from this point, things just seemed to be going downhill for the month. I mean, the continued problems with Jen and Jess, Spark, the leg, the city, computer problems, and a few other things. Top it with me not having a lot of options for people to really talk to. Some make the claim, however only you seem to really be able to take the brunt of my problems.
So off to BJ. I spent a good amount of time on NTN and JOHD entries. I ran across some of the now to be regular local Wed crew. I also ended up fighting the “all in” freaks, even though, on a few times I held off and took care of business. While it is true you cannot win with only two cards, eventually, statistically, you will end up losing all your money. I was not about to do that. I did lose some money here and there, however, in the long run, I took game one.
So Jen arrived, and wanted to talk about some things. Most of it dealt with the conversation between you and I, JOHD. The big thing was her issues with me having sex with Jess when she came back. I cannot say for sure that I am going to have sex with Jess. I mean, it is a possibility, yes, however, nothing is set, and there is nothing to say that I am going to initiate anything. There were a few other things. Jen took it very well, talking in a more rational manner and being more curious than anything. Sure, it was obvious there was a problem with the whole sex thing. Another thing she got into was how with me having sex with other people (noting Jess) can look as giving false hope to the other person. I examined this, the way it was told, as a subconscious tactic, something to help deter me having sex with Jess, or to get me to mentally slip information (on a subconscious or conscious level). As such, I noted that I should stop having sex with her then, as it would be the same thing there. I noted that if I say no, and that is that, and someone takes it as hopes for something else, that is not my fault. The analogy I used, was that when the cards say 100% to win, and everyone else, 0% to win, if you still decide to throw your money in, or hope to win, that you are deluding yourself, and that is your own fault, not anyone else’s. Her rebuttal is that it adds a 1% chance. My whole point is, if something is just friends, with benefits, well, that is all it is, and if someone attempts to use sex to flavor it another way, well, when they get knocked down, do not be blaming the other person. It is not like I am telling people, that by having sex with me, I am considering things. In fact, that is the biggest reason for me to NOT have sex, or very little, when I am in conflict with a woman. It is best I find out one way or another where we are going to go. So I attempt no sex. I am human, so yeah, some times that fails. I have human desires that get excited some times when I drink. I know, I am a bad Madd some times. Oh well. Master of Maddness, signing off......
Current Mood: frustrated