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Jan 12th, 2006


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22:47 - Package Access: DENIED

Madd’s Log, Maddate 060111.37
-Kameo/360: no clue how to save the tower
-Joust/360
-Hearts/360: live \ with 4+ crashes
-ready for bed
-slept
-ready for morning
-UPS pickup: denied due to UPS error
-1230,work: 1hr 30min late \ parking meters raised 35 min / .25
-pop Jess: thinks I do not desire her sexually \ believes has no control over my decision on her dating question
-pop Whatever/Q
-4Sword/gba
-FFIV/gba: prepare for 2nd beating of game
-2100,return pad: Skinner waiting
-360 tour
-Joust/360: w Skinner
-Kameo/360: w Skinner \ lost in the water
-BJ
-sing Shine on You Crazy Diamond: crowd hero
-FESS/gba: no deaths!
-AniCross/ds

So, for the life of me, I am so unable to figure out how to get up the mountain to save that stupid tower.  I say forget them, so I decided to do a time attack on an earlier level.  How the hell anyone gets an A grade on this is beyond my understanding.  I would also have some interesting non-fun with Hearts, as it would literally crash, freeze, and I would have to reboot the machine, many times.  Thank goodness I have a remote control for my video game system, haha!!  Oh, and JOHD, note, TEETH ARE DONE BEFORE BED!!

So I was up, and pumped to get things taken care of finally for UPS who I had missed.  For some strange reason, despite being time restrained, I would STILL dork around a while, cutting the time close.  Well, things would go bad when I got there, they were unable to find the package, and inform me that some point on the 9th it was returned to sender.  The person I spoke to on the 5th told me there would be an extension beyond the 6th to the 12th.  Last time I checked for today, it was still the 11th.  What really set me off, however, was when the bitch was attempting to pass the buck and state that it was MY damn fault some how regarding this mess, or I was a LIAR.  hAhAhaha!!  Yeah, bitch, just ask Jess how I get when I am called a liar when I am not, hEhEhE!

So I got to work and wondered what I was going to do.  I decided I was going to attempt to catch up on some phone logs and the like, however, in popping Jess, I would get sidetracked.  Um, yeah, sidetracked is an understatement.

You know, it is almost humorous, in that sick to your stomach kind of way, how she feels so sexually undesirable to me.  I mean, when I think of a lot of the people who I flirt with in such a way, I think of how they continue to pour on the... well... comments of such a graphic nature that I am unable to tell you about them.  Tee-hee, just kidding, even though, my sexual desires towards others stem from the continued flirting with me.  Possibility, this is a reason that distance can play a factor, as being right there in front of someone adds a lot of additional flirtation things, of which many are almost automated.  Yes, there are times when I do not want to do phone sex over the phone.  Possibly a part of it deals with some underlying feeling I have.  Possibly a part of me just sees so much drama flowing between us that I require a little more boost.  I mean, there are things that require being “fixed” and as they are not fixed, it creates a tension that mirrors that of a dramatic situation.  That or I have gas.  Of course, there were requests when I was no Straterra.  I did not want to have sex with myself, let alone anyone else, especially over a phone.  This is just a complied frustration of things.  The discussion on sex would grow rather large as I sat at my desk, basking in being totally late for work as I worked to catch up on things, like the phone logs and such.  Examples of Bevin and Jessica/BJ would come into play, as if I am doing things with these women because I am sexually attracted to them and not to Jess at all.  Jessica/BJ put her hand down my pants.  I was not in any mood for sex.  While we did not end up having sex, I was more than happy to comply with her desires to fool around.  Afterwards, I still did not have sex with her.  If she was expecting anything (Jessica/BJ) and was disappointed that I did not have sex with her afterwards, then that is her own issue, as I was not starting anything, and I was not hinting anything.  I think a problem is many women think (ones interested in me) that I am a male, and deep down inside, no matter what I say of what they believe they understand, that I have a penis, and I should want to put it into places.  Now, many times this starts out true.  I mean, I see a person for the first time, and I get the urge.  Urge and acting, however, are two different things.  I get urges to do things to family members, does not mean that I do...... usually, hEhEhE!!  However, like a fire, I require fuel to keep burning, or that flame dies out.  Creating a new fire is usually more difficult than maintaining one.  I really do not see my sex drive as any different than this.

I think this whole process reminds me how important a healthy mental relationship is with someone.  Sure, at first a nice body will be great fuel to want to be sexual with someone.  Jess is all that and a bag of chips.  She is attractive.  Also, with any new toy, person, or the like, the initial meeting there is that... curiosity, of which sexual exploration is always present, at start.  You know, like when I first got that big wheel... wait, did I say toy and... oh yeah, word issues.  Darn you Madd, you know what I am talking about, stop confusing me.  Anyway, there are a lot of people I have been totally switched on, because I got to see them before I really for to know who they are.  A lot of those people have basically been switched off.  Ashley/McD is a great example.  All this is a reason, looks honestly do not matter in establishing a relationship.  Some of the better sex I have engaged with in my time has people with wonderful personalities (at least at the time).  Now, it is not that someone necessarily has a bad personality.  Some times, conflicts arise, as, I am one to do my best to not lead people on, and I some times wonder if things will cause complications.  I love Jess very much.  There is much we are going through together, however, that can clog up the brain in the processing department.  So, most likely, this translates to me not being as... sexual.  Add to the fact, the fuel is not at a high level.  That or I am simply insane.  Yeah, I like that idea.

Well, after work I would head back to the pad to meet Skinner, and show him around with the 360.  I so enjoy it, even if it does not work 100% the way I want it to.  I did not realize he was going to be such a quickie, so when he hinted at leaving, we put in Kameo to have some multiplayer fun.  Well, I am not sure what happened, however in that water temple level, there was a point, were it seemed all we would do is swim around... forever... and ever... with no where to go.  I beat this level before, so what gives?  Oh well.  Since Skinner decided to leave early, I decided to hit BJ after all, despite my VM message informing otherwise.

I spent time catching up with you, and when it came my turn to sing, I already had a fan club.  I did not even sing normal Floyd, I sang sub-still-normal Floyd.  Oh, not that I am complaining about what I sing, after all, I did pick it.  However, most audiences who get into the Floyd I sing, do so more with more common radio cuts.  Well, some really go nuts when I do the Numb guitar solo’s.  Tee-hee!  Of course, I always do those for ME, not for the humans.  Well, I would end up being a few people’s hero, as my beer drinking abilities would, as normal, come into play with min+ into and solo in a Floyd song.  I admit, I see people down beers, I think they are pretty cool also!  Heck, I am sad that Bill Foster died.  How I would have loved to meet him, the fastest beer drinker in the world!

So yeah, the day had it’s frustrations, and I stated to the man below that he would not ever sway me from the Man upstairs.  I know there was a bit of drama with Jess, however that is commonplace, and even UPS, well, so I simply know my customer service skills are better than theirs.  Still, it is a good day.  Oh yeah, and the city, what can you do.  It is not like I can switch to a different government.  Or... can I???  Master of Maddness, signing off......


Current Mood: crazycrazy

[[Train your Brain]]


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