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Feb 16th, 2017


12:22 - Winston Churchill: Alien Hunter
I am calling it now... this is happening. Deny it all you want, but someone is going to make a movie where Winston Churchill hunts aliens, with a lisp or stammering no less. Don't believe me? See also Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Maybe both of these people will hook up? I am pretty sure I would watch that. I have to admit, Abe Lincoln: VP hunter was a guilty pleasure of mine.

Wow, talk about getting sidetracked. I spent a lot of extra time coming up with my ending YouTube link, by visiting the honest trailers that I enjoy so much. Guilty pleasure? No, just pleasure. I have already seen all of them. Speaking of spending time on stuff, TIL about the word schadenfreude; the pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. The opposite of this in the Buddhist world is mudita. It is something I noticed a lot when I used to take calls, something I actually miss from time to time. "Rawr!! Anger anger customer smash! ... oh... there is an outage? Other people are also out? Sweet." Yeah, true, this is more on emotional contagion, however, the actual example I would want to use is a little too much for "public opinion." Hey, JOHD, I learn, even if it sucks I have to.

So, last night, after completing my binging of season 4 of Elementary (and a very exciting one I might add), Tango & Cash was on. I am not sure if it was due to my caffeine over-rush, but I did not have an urge to pass out. Despite this movie being very old (1989), and pretty over-the-top, it still holds up to this day for me, even with all the continuity issues. I even caught a few goofs that were not mentioned in the IMDB, such as the obvious stunt double for Captain Schroeder when crashes through the screen door, or the double leg kick by one of the thugs getting shot in the third act. Even some of the acting is pretty paltry, yet I think I will always watch this movie, no matter how FUBAR I will end up due to lack of sleep.

So, before that, and before Elementary, but after the bar, there was a fight. I am just going to classify them, for future reference, as argument. Arguments I have with Krab are far and few between compared to my ex. Then again, before my ex I rarely had fights (minus the Evil One™, of course). However, some of the tactics of the past with Krab have been downright horrible on my part. I believe a part of this stems from being bullied as a child, treatment from the Evil One, and of course, treatment from my ex. However, mainly from childhood. I have a lot of images and snaps in my mind about being picked on, a lot. You cannot be Madd and not go through a childhood without being picked on. I was super skinny, and absolutely had no way to defend myself from physical attacks. In all honesty, this in itself is a good thing because I feel it is what lead me to be the personality I am today, not very serious and getting through life with plenty of humor. The side effect, however, is the built up hostility I feel when I am being attacked by someone emotionally, mentally, or physically.

So, enough origin story, and onto the actual issue, which again is exacerbated thanks to technology. So I decided to stop at the bar for a drink, and by drink, I mean just that. Drinking is seriously not a tag? Deer fucking word. It appears that Fecesbook likes to tell people when I am out and about, even though Krab would appear to be the only one getting actual notifications (or, others do and they just don't care). So, I get a call, and a text, of which the calls I ignore because I cannot hear, and I wanted to get home so I could get into the Valentine's Day festivities of present giving (what I ordered, for free [a.k.a. lots of hard earned rewards points]). Well, I get home all nice and chipper, just to run into what appears to be a wandering Krab, coming back from her car. Using my new found detective skills I acquired by being bitten by a radioactive detective, I figured she had gone out to "look for me." Something about a car not starting due to the shitty problems I have been having with the car battery requiring being jumped. I mentioned my car is pretty much fucked up in some way shape or form, right? Well, I come home to a few veggies that are practically burnt, because, well, reasons that's how you are supposed to cook them*. I also come home to one hell of an attitude. Now, being the logical human I am, I believe in this it happens to me then it should happen to you bit. See, Krab actually has been going out and attempting to blend in with the humans, which in and of itself is pretty good, however it has lead to a few times I have been unable to get a hold of her. This has caused a little bit of anxiety, and surprised plans not go, well, according to plan. To help this logic click, I am not the best in keeping in touch with humans. There are times I drop from the social spectrum. There are also some humans that I care about that do not always keep in touch with me. I cannot think of a time I have had anger towards anyone who does this, meaning I expect the same consideration in return. Something, something, let yeast without prokaryotic cells cast the first bread (Austin 4:20). I don't always fit the bill, and my emotional side will generally get the best of me, however, it is still a driving force in how I feel my life should be ran. So my mood went from feeling extremely well to being extremely agitated. Agitation is how I ended for the majority of the night, minus the last few episodes of Elementary (a word I may never learn how to speel), where I was just all bouts of intrigue and happy suspense. Damn I thought they were not going to be able to beat season 1.

So come to this morning, on three hours of sleep, plenty of mental processing time on my hands, I think of that time before child, where I used to have this philosophy in life, about feelings, and processing information of all sorts. You know, that "happy time". I wonder when that went away? I think parts of it did prior to me even having a kid. I don't remember. I hate memory. I like apples.

* retraction: I have been reminded the reason why I don't cook; the veggies were supposed to be burnt, thus that's my error

Here it is, your moment of stare...

Current Location: 925 High St
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Poison of Snake", Naoki Maeda, "Salamander 2 OST"

[[Train your Brain]]

Feb 15th, 2017


15:15 - Lose of a Button
Well, I am not so tired anymore. I might actually get some things taken care of at work even. This comment sponsored by 5-hour ENERGY™ and Mt. Dew™. Today is a good day, I guess. I didn't kill anyone, and, I did not have to do that one thing with that one person with those one feelerz that I have.

Here it is, your moment of sponsorship...

Current Location: 925 High St
Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: "Hyrule Temple (extended)", Hirokazu Ando, "Super Smash Bros. Melee OST

[[Train your Brain]]

Feb 14th, 2017


10:34 - Lake Day
I have no clue what lake day would be, however, it appears at some point in my life I asked this question as noted in one of the auto complete thingies. Speaking of thingies, I tried out my new Bluetooth toothbrush today. It connects to my phone, because, why not? It was a present for Valentine's Day. Of course, if auto correct had anything to say about it, it would be Valvoline's Day. I guess the two could be related. I poked Stingray, I hope he enjoyed that as much as I did.

On that note, while my friends on here are few and far between, I did check out a few people's past posts. It is just a strange concept looking down memory lane. This, coming from a crazy person who has memories all the way back to the start of my writing life. That reminds me, I wonder where the actual JOHD is. I am not sure where I placed her. :/ Forgive me? I could do some 10 hour Epic Sax guy to make up for it, maybe. What is the human fascination with nostalgia? I could always read about it, since I am going back to the Rally tracking.

So is life getting better or worse? From a biological standpoint, I would say worse. My body is going to do nothing more than "get old", and that means all sorts of problems. I might have a low testosterone levels. It would explain quite a few things, including what appears to be a lower sex drive, swimmers who do not swim like they used to, and of course, my love of Jew pickles (don't ask).

So a co-worker dropped off a Valentine's Day gift to me, as she was making rounds to everyone else in the center. It says, "To: Valued CTL Employee." I joked, "Why not just address it to employee 00096060?" Come to think of it, that would be some stalker level shit right there. Not to mention, it is a lot easier to grab into your bag, pull out a catch all card, and give it. Still, it is nice to see some humans around here not take this day as some horrible day of evil. Speaking of this day (again), I am not sure I can recall the last time I did not have someone I would be able to spend this day with, which means at some point I am sure it actually happened during my active woman scene.

I think this makes up for cheating days. It's a catch 22 to tag this post as cheating, yet, I have done the exact opposite. I am not sure if I have mentioned, but Rally notes writing as, "Whether it's a simple record of your day, a way to work out your feelings, or a creative outlet, journaling can help you better understand yourself, your body, and your place in the world." Completing the mission of 3x per week (which I failed since the journal week starts on Wednesday) works on mood, stress, productivity, self-awareness, and wellness. Strange, I don't have a health tag. Well, I do now.

Here it is, your lake of zen...

Current Location: 925 High St
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: "Ridley Theme 'Epic Metal' Cover", LittleVMills, "Operation: 1-UP"

[[Train your Brain]]

Feb 13th, 2017


14:40 - What a Horrible Night for an Ecrus
Wow, only one year and barely a month. So much going on... well, not really. It seems like the same old shit actually. That cat in a blender picture last time reminds me how tasty my food was. I feel fat. Speaking of fat, I am the largest I have ever been in my life (that I am aware of). Wired for sound. I am not even sure what wired for sound was written. I obviously had a thought that eludes me. Speaking of eluding, I have currently been binge watching Elementary. Very entertaining stuff. Everyone, as always, dies.

Here it is, man, your like, moment of zen, that really ties the room together...

Current Location: 925 High St
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: "Tetran -Poison of Snake Remix", Hitoshi Sakimoto, "Gradius V OST"

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 19th, 2016


18:52 - Yes, I am Cheating, You Are Welcome.
It happens. Deal with it.

Here it is, you moment of blend...

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 18th, 2016


18:48 - Power Vertical Acceleration
Yes, I left without my headset, and my power pack, and something else I forgot. Yes, on the way to work from the car I dropped my power cord and had to search for it, however, it is a good day. I feel exceptionally well, and focused. I do not always feel focused (well, now, obviously not earlier, so point verified).

I got a new phone Saturday. Tetran had been having fits, not registering proper battery, shutting off randomly, and other strange problems that I cannot even begin to understand, despite 30+ years of computer background. Keeping in spirit of the Gradius series, her name is Anoa. She is a Galaxy Note 5 (Tetran was a Galaxy S4). I will see how long before I lose the stylus. Oh, I have to write tomorrow also in order to hit my mission goal (Rally) of 3 entries per week (the start of my missions was Tuesday, and I obviously missed a few days). I also noted I am using a lot of parenthesizes (as if I am maybe talking to myself). That's cool also.

Oh, fun little adventure in Ark on Sunday. I was on a PvP server, and three guys jumped my character, feed her tons of "sleepy berries" and then dragged me back to their camp. I managed to wake up in time to impale myself into the wood fence before they could Cosby me again. Needless to say... someone is going to feel the revenge flow.

Here it is, your moment of Cosby...

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 15th, 2016


17:47 - Today is a Good Day
Here it is, your movement of bowl...

Tags:

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 12th, 2016


15:33 - Accountability
I logged into a game I play (Ark: Survival Evolved) yesterday. For the first time in my life, I found myself killed prior to even spawning. Needless to say, it caused a whole slew of problems and frustrations that lasted for the rest of the day. I am all about accountability, and this game did not allow me to really be accountable for my actions, yet I suffered for it.

In my relationships, when my partner would abandon all hopes of accountability, I found myself in a similar situation. I would get frustrated and want to ragequit. I am by no means a perfect person. It doesn't mean I have given up hope of taking responsibility for what I can account myself for.

So I now pretty much here that I am being held accountable for things. It would be one thing if I was told, "Madd, you're right, this is bullshit because there is not a lot you can do about it." When you tell me, "Madd, you have control of 50% of this situation," it tells me an entirely different story. Also, I want you to tell me, straight up, how specific things I am in control of, including but not limited to things that happen before a person even ever works for a company, since last I checked, I am not a recruiter. I want a finish with; a system is design that is CREATED to weed out things rather quickly (within 3 days). Then it is noted, I am held accountable for things being weeded out. How does this logic work? You create a mouse trap that kills mice. You give me this device to use. You later tell me, any mice killed within 30 days is my accountability. Yeah, exactly.

Make me a recruiter, give me 100% control of all content, and let me run past the basic fundamentals of the company. Then I agree with the logic. Otherwise, I just do not see it.

Here it is, your moment of garrote...

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 11th, 2016


15:23 - I've Not Seen Such Dodecahedron!
All things considered, I still feel rather well. You know I have not really said much of my job, only mentioning it in hindsight. It takes two of the things I really enjoy, and could have a job about, and puts them together. The only way my job would be ultimate would involve me doing something with a gaming developer. So, I will stick with Reality and go from there.

I am a teacher. I am in technical support. When I first started working for USWest I was simply answering the phones for POTS trouble. I incorporated my computer skills into my day to day life. Managers having printer issues, or agents having similar, would come to me and I would hook them up. So with my skillz out there on the field, an opportunity would arise where I could be a trainer. I could take these 30+ years of service an apply it to something.

When I started college I was not sure what I wanted to do as a career. I mean, teaching would have been awesome, yet there were thoughts about the pay, and I was not sure how to apply anything to make this work. So being told I would be a trainer, and thus teach people how to do a job, well, that went right up my ally. I have had a lot of fun at this job function. I do not teach like normal people, however, and pull this from the few teachers I have had who have inspired me through my years. In fact, my love of psychology derives from my psych 101 teacher. Had I not had him, I most likely would have never thought to take psychology as a field of study. Seeing how I already have a 'Jim Hanson' tag, I most likely talked about him eons ago. Still, the man deserves his props. Same goes for Dr Evans (a tag I seem to have wrong).

I guess this is the reason I write down what I write. It reminds me when I talked about Life Force, and I saw that the post I made was almost identical to another post I had done years prior. Ah how the mind works. Well, at any rate, I enjoy my job, even if there is bullshit that gets thrown into it from time to time. My current boss, Connie, is one of the greatest bosses I have ever had. She is an awesome boss for a similar reason I would want to be with someone, which is she let's me be me. Any sort of relationship I am no longer in almost breaks down to, "Madd, stop being you," happening one too many times. True, not all of them, but, a lot of them. Well, my boss does that. She lets me work my classes the way I want to, with only the most bare structure required being followed. Plus, she thinks like I do in many cases. If I pull billions of hours, and want to take a little extra time to go grab my kid if all my work is done, then it is allowed. I may not get paid for the 50 hour work week I will sometimes pull. I will, however, get to take an hour to go grab my kid. If you work 50 hours during the week, you can have an hour here or there. That's Madd logic. It should be normal logic, however, not all think that way.

Here it is, your moment of treasure...

Current Mood: happyhappy

[[Train your Brain]]

Jan 8th, 2016


16:15 - You Work, That's Why I Pay You
Technology. Fuck yourself. That's all for now!

Here it is, your moment of Zion...


Current Mood: contentcontent

[[Train your Brain]]

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