Jan 19th, 2016
|18:52 - Yes, I am Cheating, You Are Welcome.|
It happens. Deal with it.
Here it is, you moment of blend...
Jan 18th, 2016
|18:48 - Power Vertical Acceleration|
Yes, I left without my headset, and my power pack, and something else I forgot. Yes, on the way to work from the car I dropped my power cord and had to search for it, however, it is a good day. I feel exceptionally well, and focused. I do not always feel focused (well, now, obviously not earlier, so point verified).
I got a new phone Saturday. Tetran had been having fits, not registering proper battery, shutting off randomly, and other strange problems that I cannot even begin to understand, despite 30+ years of computer background. Keeping in spirit of the Gradius series, her name is Anoa. She is a Galaxy Note 5 (Tetran was a Galaxy S4). I will see how long before I lose the stylus. Oh, I have to write tomorrow also in order to hit my mission goal (Rally) of 3 entries per week (the start of my missions was Tuesday, and I obviously missed a few days). I also noted I am using a lot of parenthesizes (as if I am maybe talking to myself). That's cool also.
Oh, fun little adventure in Ark on Sunday. I was on a PvP server, and three guys jumped my character, feed her tons of "sleepy berries" and then dragged me back to their camp. I managed to wake up in time to impale myself into the wood fence before they could Cosby me again. Needless to say... someone is going to feel the revenge flow.
Here it is, your moment of Cosby...
Jan 15th, 2016
|17:47 - Today is a Good Day|
Here it is, your movement of bowl...
Jan 12th, 2016
|15:33 - Accountability|
I logged into a game I play (Ark: Survival Evolved) yesterday. For the first time in my life, I found myself killed prior to even spawning. Needless to say, it caused a whole slew of problems and frustrations that lasted for the rest of the day. I am all about accountability, and this game did not allow me to really be accountable for my actions, yet I suffered for it.
In my relationships, when my partner would abandon all hopes of accountability, I found myself in a similar situation. I would get frustrated and want to ragequit. I am by no means a perfect person. It doesn't mean I have given up hope of taking responsibility for what I can account myself for.
So I now pretty much here that I am being held accountable for things. It would be one thing if I was told, "Madd, you're right, this is bullshit because there is not a lot you can do about it." When you tell me, "Madd, you have control of 50% of this situation," it tells me an entirely different story. Also, I want you to tell me, straight up, how specific things I am in control of, including but not limited to things that happen before a person even ever works for a company, since last I checked, I am not a recruiter. I want a finish with; a system is design that is CREATED to weed out things rather quickly (within 3 days). Then it is noted, I am held accountable for things being weeded out. How does this logic work? You create a mouse trap that kills mice. You give me this device to use. You later tell me, any mice killed within 30 days is my accountability. Yeah, exactly.
Make me a recruiter, give me 100% control of all content, and let me run past the basic fundamentals of the company. Then I agree with the logic. Otherwise, I just do not see it.
Here it is, your moment of garrote...
Current Mood: frustrated
Jan 11th, 2016
|15:23 - I've Not Seen Such Dodecahedron!|
All things considered, I still feel rather well. You know I have not really said much of my job, only mentioning it in hindsight. It takes two of the things I really enjoy, and could have a job about, and puts them together. The only way my job would be ultimate would involve me doing something with a gaming developer. So, I will stick with Reality and go from there.
I am a teacher. I am in technical support. When I first started working for USWest I was simply answering the phones for POTS trouble. I incorporated my computer skills into my day to day life. Managers having printer issues, or agents having similar, would come to me and I would hook them up. So with my skillz out there on the field, an opportunity would arise where I could be a trainer. I could take these 30+ years of service an apply it to something.
When I started college I was not sure what I wanted to do as a career. I mean, teaching would have been awesome, yet there were thoughts about the pay, and I was not sure how to apply anything to make this work. So being told I would be a trainer, and thus teach people how to do a job, well, that went right up my ally. I have had a lot of fun at this job function. I do not teach like normal people, however, and pull this from the few teachers I have had who have inspired me through my years. In fact, my love of psychology derives from my psych 101 teacher. Had I not had him, I most likely would have never thought to take psychology as a field of study. Seeing how I already have a 'Jim Hanson' tag, I most likely talked about him eons ago. Still, the man deserves his props. Same goes for Dr Evans (a tag I seem to have wrong).
I guess this is the reason I write down what I write. It reminds me when I talked about Life Force, and I saw that the post I made was almost identical to another post I had done years prior. Ah how the mind works. Well, at any rate, I enjoy my job, even if there is bullshit that gets thrown into it from time to time. My current boss, Connie, is one of the greatest bosses I have ever had. She is an awesome boss for a similar reason I would want to be with someone, which is she let's me be me. Any sort of relationship I am no longer in almost breaks down to, "Madd, stop being you," happening one too many times. True, not all of them, but, a lot of them. Well, my boss does that. She lets me work my classes the way I want to, with only the most bare structure required being followed. Plus, she thinks like I do in many cases. If I pull billions of hours, and want to take a little extra time to go grab my kid if all my work is done, then it is allowed. I may not get paid for the 50 hour work week I will sometimes pull. I will, however, get to take an hour to go grab my kid. If you work 50 hours during the week, you can have an hour here or there. That's Madd logic. It should be normal logic, however, not all think that way.
Here it is, your moment of treasure...
Current Mood: happy
Jan 8th, 2016
|16:15 - You Work, That's Why I Pay You|
Technology. Fuck yourself. That's all for now!
Here it is, your moment of Zion...
Current Mood: content
Jan 7th, 2016
|14:12 - I Want Head|
ache to not be here. It's strange, as if I was drinking hard last night, yet I didn't. I think I had 4 beers, maybe 3, I guess I am just dehydrated. This is what I get for attempting... ah, yes, caffeine headache, that's it. Ugg... I am hungry, think it is time to eat.
Here it is, your moment of zeny...
Current Mood: tired
Jan 6th, 2016
|11:58 - I'm Just Here So I Don't Get Fined|
My last post humors me... a lot. Also, a lot of things have changed, while a lot remains the same. I mean, Jarin is still alive. Granted, he is 8 going on 16, however he is alive nevertheless. That word makes no sense.
I mentioned something about health, and ironically that is why I'm here (no, not really... it's that Jew Card). I remember the first time I was forced to put paper to pen. I was a Freshman, and it was Engrish at Tri-Center. I believe the teacher was Mr Burke. I had that silly book thing, and would watch where the magic star was placed. I had to write up to that point. At first I would get creative with writing the same words over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I could not cut and paste like I just did for 74% of that text. I would right the same word, or whatever, however after a while, I got to getting into it. You were called JOHD because that is how it started. It was hell being forced to write. That would change. It's no coincidence that when plugged as the name of a video game character, JOHD was always a "healer" of sorts. That leads me to the round about way of why I am here. I think I already said that.
So my health plan has a way to make free money. One thing is to join a gang, er, Mission. They had a "write in a journal" as one of the non horrible things to do (because why the phuck would I cut out fat, sugar, or exercise when I can sit on my ass all day?) and I decided to pick that up. It states it can help with mood, stress, productivity, self-awareness, and wellness. The self-awareness intrigues me since my third to last bullet point last post (504 days ago, or as I like to call it 12,096 hours ago) mentioned this. I remember doing a lot of writing to the point it could stress me out or alter my mood, because I would be reminded of some of the bad things in life. I mean, I keep everything because everything will remind me of things I otherwise would forget, and if there is one thing I apparently do not like it is to forget things. What was I talking about? No seriously, I was answering a question and I don't remember.
Oh yeah, I get "paid" to write. Now, technically I can flip a switch and say I do it, like many others most likely do, however we know that's not how I roll. So the strange twist that is 12,097 hours of passage comes full circle... or half circle... or 68 degrees of dodecahedron. Writing is supposed to help mood, but I guess that is only if you don't go back and read it (that's what I was talking about).
Here it is, your moment of xeno...
Current Mood: good
Aug 20th, 2014
|12:51 - Journal of...|
Hello, JOHD. I remember when you were a small booklet type thing many years ago. I very well could have told you this once before, however I truly have no clue. I would be here for over a decade attempting to catch up to you, so I am going to just let you know... ah...
I have a kid, Jarin, who is now 7 and starting 2nd grade today (yeah, I know you know Jarin, I just wanted you to know I have not killed him yet).
I am single.
I started working out.
I got promoted to manager of now CenturyLink (I'll still tag it Qwest).
I have a 2010 Ford Fusion hybrid.
If I act absolutely professional and above business proper to someone who I know, then I no longer consider them a friend.
I am currently in debt due to taking care of multiple third parties.
It's raining outside.
I own non-Wal-Mart cookware.
I do not masturbate anywhere close as much as I use to (shh... don't tell anyone, JOHD).
My common reply to people who ask me how I am is, "I'm surviving" (and not a single human has picked up where I got that from yet).
I am currently totting a Samsung Galaxy 4, and still use my Moto Bionic for gaming and Jarin.
I own a Wii U.
Sparky's mom died Saturday.
I actively program in VBS.
I no longer have any living biological grandparents.
I probably have bed bugs.
I have people who live in my basement.
After chasing Baxter around on Oct 27th, I tripped on a hose and dislocated my pinky, permanently rendering it dislocated.
For the first time ever, I properly spelled permanently without spell check or looking it up... and I did it again.
My current song obsessions are Adder's Lair (Sonic All Star Racing Transformed) and Eternal Champions Perpetual Motion.
I broke my mower by running it with little/no oil in it.
I started my Planet Fitness workout routine 140818.1x.
I can actually tolerate beer other than Bud Light.
"Boobs" is not a tag; it is now.
I am going to slowly move to a non-processed food diet.
My procrastination is at an insane high.
I have not played FFXI for over a year (yet have been paying for service this entire time, meaning it might be time to take my Jew card away from me).
My new phone game obsession is Valkyrie Crusade.
My favorite chord is Am7b5.
Every time I spell "Valkyrie Crusade" I have to look up the word "Valkyrie" to ensure I properly spelled it.
I am an active Redditor.
"Bacon" is not a tag; it is now.
[140113.1x] I am a moderator of the 3rd largest NSFW subreddit (beaten only by gonewild and NSFW).
Robin Williams killed himself and Paul Walker died in a car wreck of all things.
I've officially renamed Facebook as "MyFace" (and have to remind myself to rename that tag appropriately).
My OCD is at an insane high.
I have plummeted in the art of taking care of myself at a level I don't even want to get into right now.
I still love boobs.
Mt Dew is going to slowly be eliminated from my diet (please don't let me read that).
I still love bacon.
I took my first company paid business trip a couple months ago.
I have had sex with a feminist.
Some of these tags bring up some interesting memories; some of these tags confuse the fuck out of me.
I search with bing... for the money (so I guess I get to keep my Jew card).
I have started welcoming death (irony when you see how much I am putting into making myself better).
I made an extremely important discovery about myself and depression and other things of that nature. I think I will end with my important discovery.
I stand corrected, the last thing I am leaving with is the fact I had to correct words I typed for consistency in order to maintain order with the OCD Demon™.
Hello there, Madd here again. The number of red squiggly lines I see due to "spelling errors" (i.e. the HTML coding) is close to putting me in a comma (yes, comma).
I absolutely am miserable when I am not myself. If there is anything in this world that impedes my ability to be myself, then I will not be happy. This is especially true in a relationship, and that does not even have to involve a sexual relationship. However, speaking of the sexual kind, I have found all of my recent exes have done just that; they did not allow me to truly be myself. It is that women attempting to change men thing. If I remember the saying right, "Men get into a relationship liking what they see and expecting it not to change. Women get in a relationship and and expect to change what they don't like." If that is not a saying, it certainly should be, as it's true from about every observation I have assimilated.
So, it is important that I stay true to myself. If there ever comes a time where I would have to change to be around someone, then I would have to say they are someone I would just move away from. Other than that, I'm sorry for leaving you for so long, and I will hopefully talk to you soon... oh wait! I have been informed by the OCD Demon™ I am missing two things; first off all OCD infused humans MUST put lists in a bullet form. Please hold... processing... ahh, complete. I even finished tagging. That only took a decade. LMAO, dear fucking word I love reading old entries. This is the reason I must never stop doing this.
On my final note, here it is, your moment of Zen...
Current Location: 925 High St, IA 50309
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: "Hyrule Temple (Madd edit)", Takahiro Nishi, "Super Smash Bro Brawl OST"
Apr 12th, 2013
|17:33 - Traffic Blocked: For Her Pleasure|
People like to be right. There are some who like to be right all the time. I have been accused of this, and it makes me sad to think that people who should know who I am hold onto this outdated stigma of my existence, or are close-minded to the situation at hand. I am not always right. I am frequently right, and I am because under most situations, I think before I attempt to back something up. I find there are two instances when I don’t: I’m drunk or I’m angry.
First, let’s look at the phenomenon at hand. The largest population of people who have to always be right do so subconsciously. This makes it prone to ego defense mechanisms. Human history tends to show what happens in a whole when someone feels attacked or threaten by something. They defend. In fact, animals even show this. Ever attempt to give a cat a "simple" bath? You would swear you were about to put some cats in a meat grinder and feed them to the dog. So when someone goes against an opinion, people take it as a personal attack. Most people who are attacked want to fight back. It brings me to the thoughts of my own anger.
Through my years, I find that when I get upset, I tend to think less logically and more emotionally. Someone who lives in a world of logic will generally mess up coming at it emotionally, just like someone who lives in a world of emotion will mess things up coming at life with logic. It is not that there is anything wrong with living emotionally or logically. The more you are with one, the less you will be able to define life with the other... at least, when it comes to the world of debating or argument.
Alcohol lowers judgment and inhabitations. I’m no exception. It has taken me an extremely long time, and a lost friendship or two, however I finally realized that while emotions come out as I have acquired drink, some of those are based off the wrong information. However, getting angry or upset I find does EXACTLY the same thing. If for whatever reason I am pissed off about something, the way I argue is identical to me being drunk. Being angry has effects on the body and brain. Again, I am no exception to this. Most people have heard of "flight or fight". If not, well, your education has failed you. When you get upset and stress your body, your brain releases cortisol (known in the world of making names way too long as "hydrocortisone"). This is a steroid hormone. This can affect memory. For anyone who notices you are arguing with someone who seems to "forget what they just said", cortisol can inhibit memory retrieval of already stored information. Sound familiar (if your angry right now, most likely not). Prolonged, anger can also block the growth of new neurons in the brain, causing neuronal death or depression. This can cause learning difficulties.
People who are angry are more likely to show signs of correspondence bias. This is an overestimate the effect of personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining behavior. You can see this in about every case of road rage, where someone cuts you off, and your first thought is how the person simply has no driving skills, when in Reality, it could be something totally unrelated, like you being in their blind spot.
So anyone who truly knew me as me, would know I certainly do not think I am always right. It’s discouraging that I have to work on attempts of keeping track of when I am wrong and admit it, since some force inside me feels compelled to always play Devil’s advocate. For instance, I was called a liberal and how I back up the actions of our current President, when in Reality I came across one too many instances of "If someone posted it on Facebook it must be true", over a picture of our President with a shirt that was Photoshopped. I would normally say "clearly" Photoshopped, however, if you are dealing with people who still think their computer comes with a cup holder (see also "DVD/CD Drive"), then understanding photo pixilation from a photo being edited may not be so "clearly". I can respect that. So, my original comment comes solely from the literal hundreds of comments where "Oh my gosh, look at this shirt that Obama is wearing" is the flow of the thread, and my retaliation is, "Learn what Photoshop is before you post your ignorance." For reference, since Obama is generally a fun (ha!) topic to bring up, my thoughts and opinions on him are the same it is for any politician. He is going to lie at times, and sometimes he will have a valid reason to do it while others he will do it to save his own ass. As Agent Kay said, "There's always an Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or a Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that is about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IT!" Since it has been proven to me that some people I associate with don’t understand the Engrish language, or I don’t know how to translate what’s in my head to the Engrish language, or a little of both, I translate: while I don’t think it right, in any way, to lie about things, there comes a point where you simply do not pass on information you know. "Hey honey, I know you did not ask if the clothes you are wearing makes you look fat, however since I have an opinion on it, I thought I would give you a heads up that it does." "Hey sweetie, I realize you just spent $300 for a makeover, and you did not ask for my opinion, but I wanted to inform you that you may wish to call the cops, because you look like shit in it, and it would appear you were robbed."
I once (more than) had a debate with my girlfriend in terms of lying, where not presenting information is constituted as a lie. I don’t think less of her, or say she is not smart (in fact, I think she is smart, and knows things I have no clue of). I will state however that *every* definition of a lie has shown me "deliver/speak a false statement" in some way or form. Last time I checked, not saying a word on something is not delivering or saying anything. Even if I was in an open relationship with a woman and asked for her to tell me of any sexual encounter she has without me having to ask, she agrees, and then she has sex with someone, and down the road I ask and she says, "Yes, I had sex with..." does not make that person a liar. Deceitful, untrustworthy, to name a few, sure, why not. A liar? That person is not a liar unless when they AGREED to tell me they realized they had no intention to. If the person had the intention when she said "yes I will tell you without asking", however when the time came she just couldn't do it, then no, not a liar.
So reverting to my original point, to anyone who thinks I am always right, I am not. If you think I think I am, then you are either using old information (which is about as smart as using the very first version of any software on your computer and never upgrading any of it), observing me in an altered state, or simply catching me on one of those times I am human. Still not perfect. While "no one likes to be wrong", I find being wrong a way to better myself to get it right. This is why I don't agree with people who are so hard strung to say I never like being wrong. If you are wrong, and you want to resolve something, then you have to give it thought, and anyone who really does know me, should have the smarts to see that "thinking" is something I like to do (sometimes too much of it).
Also, I thought it important to note, I farted at some point today.
Current Location: 925 High St, IA 50309
Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Same as the past few posts